the ties that bind

It’s been so long since the last time I made a visit to my own page. Well, kinda busy with fasting, raya and exam the utmost important. But now, I feel relief that everything has finished. Yeah, raya too. It ended last week.

Now one question. Have you ever found a friend or some friends who can really function as F.R.I.E.N.D? I mean like hanging out together, watching movies, hear your happy and sad stories, help you when you need a helping hand, cheer you up when you feel down, boost your confidence when you think negative about your own selves? Actually, when I was in my primary school and secondary school, I didn’t care much about this. Yeah, I have a clique of friends that can really ‘go’ with me. But, our relationship is confined to school hours, as I was not in a boarding school. But when I finished my spm, got a place in college, I learned how to befriend with people, a lot. Maybe because I lived in hostel and I have no parents to take care of me there. Only friends that I could count on. Same here when I have to live in my rented house. I live with friends. And so far, they have been the wonderful ones to me.

But now I am not going to talk about them. It’s my other clique of friends in my hometown in Pasir Gudang. Actually, some of them I have known ever since we were in standard 1. While some in secondary school. But somehow, we always stick together. Until now. And believe me, once I get back to KL, I will start to miss them. So, every time Aidilfitri arrives, we would visit friends’ houses together. Whenever I get back to jb, I will try to spend at least 2 hours to go makan2 with them. But, arrrghhh…ok straight to the point, I am feeling sad right now actually. And that’s the reason I am writing this post. Guess what? One of them is going to build a new life very soon. What I meant here was, she is getting married! In less than two months time! I just could not believe it. Man, I haven’t prepared to lose her.

Is this a natural feeling a friend would feel for a bestfriend who is going to get married? Too bad, the other four of us also share the same feeling about her earth quaking news.
You see, when friends are getting married, the pattern that I could see is that, they will start to discard himself/herself slowly from us. Although this will be the first time my very best friend is getting married (that’s why I’m putting this as an issue actually), but I could see that kind of situation happened to my other friends, who are less close to me.

It’s kind of happy but sad really. So, we had planned a picnic together, maybe our last picnic together before she moves to a brand new world and role. So, according to our plan, there would be the six of us plus two bodyguards (our male friends). After discussions and plans have been made, too bad, we had to cancel it. Because the one that we are celebrating could not join, with an excuse that she had a tiff with her fiancée for hanging out with us this one particular night. Not really hanging out actually, attending kenduri orang nak pegi haji jek. And to avoid a further argument, she dare not go out with us anymore. She really wanted to go but it’s a matter of not to hurt somebody’s feeling.

For me, like Malay saying, ‘Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul’. I try to put myself in her shoes. Ya, truly say, I also don’t want him to quarrel with her fiancée just because of us. I know her fiancée. He’s an amiable person so far that I know. But many people say, once you get engaged to someone, you can’t be free unlike when you’re dating each other. This could be due to the fact that the sense of belongingness is stronger than what it used to be. And that’s why engaged people will have to restrict themselves from doing what they used to like, if that action will cause ‘sakit hati’ to his/her partner. And to even torture my already ailing brain, older people would say ‘tak baik keluar selalu2, darah manis’ Hee…tension tau tak!!! I just can’t understand. Okay consider me bad for condemning this kind of thing but this just doesn’t fit into my head. I don’t know. Most probably because I was not being brought up with abundance of ‘pepatah nenek moyang’ or maybe because I was not surrounded by engaged/married cousins or family members.

So, as how a best friend should be, I feel glad for her. At least I know she will be in a safe hand. And as I’m among the remaining two who are still not working, I offer her my aid in case she needs a helping hand or something regarding her marriage But, I’m kind of sad really. She is not yet married, but somehow, I could really feel her lost.